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eHarmony Computer Just Messing With People

Excerpted from the Los Angeles Informer: Local widower and San Clemente resident Frederick Crummles thinks the eHarmony matchmaking computer is just messing with him. “It’s clearly messing with me,” Crummles snorted, “There’s no other way...

Fans Call for Sacking of Washington Generals GM

Excerpted from the Baltimore Dispatch: Marcus Duggerskull, head of the Baltimore Chapter of the Washington Generals Fan Club, waved the 5,000 signature petition he gathered calling for the resignation or firing of the Washington Generals GM.  He and several other...

Bear Patrol Latest Casualty of CA Budget Cuts

Excerpted from the Los Angeles Informer: California state comptroller, Miles Duggerskull, broke the news that the Springfield Bear Patrol had been the latest casualty of the state budget crisis. “It’s with a heavy heart that I announce the ending of this...

Pete Rose Puts Fiver on His MLB Reinstatement

Excerpted from the Cincinnati Ledger Express: Grant Thimbleweed, an eyewitness, described the happening. “Well, we were at this memorabilia show where Rose was signing stuff and then this one random guy walks by and yells, ‘Hey, Rose.  You jerk,...
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