Excerpted from the Burbank Chronicler:

Eyewitnesses say the Governor was staggering around downtown Sacramento wearing only furs and carrying a two-handed sword and the head of Queen Isabella from the statue in the Capital Rotunda.

“The man’s still quite strong,” said one eyewitness, “Wielding those two-handed swords with any proficiency is no joke and he took Queen Isabella’s head right off with a single swing.”

Maria Shriver has publicly appealed for the statesman to return home.