Excerpted from the Baltimore Dispatch:

Sources close to This Week with George Stephanopoulos say that the former vice-president watched the entire taping from the right side of the stage.

“He just stood there, intently watching the segment his daughter Liz was on,” said one production assistant who wished to remain anonymous.

“Every time he thought she made a salient point on the torture issue he would swing his fist like he was throwing a hook.  It was a little weird, but then when the segment ended he rushed up to greet her and they exchanged one of the poorest, most awkward high fives I’ve seen in a long time.”

Excerpted from the St. Paul Sentinel:

An anonymous source close to the team said both Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels were witnessed by coaches throwing skittles and other bite-sized candies at the back of Brett Favre’s head during the new quarterback’s first film session with the team.

“It was pretty sophomoric,” said the source.  “Every time Favre would turn around to see who had thrown the candy the two of them would look away and whistle.”

“It continued until one of them belted Favre with a Jawbreaker and then quarterbacks coach Kevin Rogers finally put an end to it.”

“To be honest, having seen the two backups play before, we all were a little surprised at how accurate they were.”

Excerpted from the Des Moines Unionist:

Area resident Gregorio Wormwicker immediately regretted the wisecrack he made referencing the similarities between the Total Recall character Cuato and his newborn son, Craig.

“Specifically, I regret cracking that joke in front of my wife, Beatrice.  She doesn’t really have a sense of humor anyway, but throw in some catastrophic sleep deprivation and some likely post-partem depression and, man, she nearly snapped my head off.”

When reached for comment, Mrs. Wormwicker mumbled something about her husband being an idiot and slammed the front door.

Excerpted from the Canton Intelligencer:

Sources present at the Cavaliers End of the Year Banquet said that it was an uncomfortable experience.

“My wife and I left as soon as we could,” remarked an employee in Cleveland’s front office, who wished to remain anonymous.

“When one of his teammates would walk up to receive their award, Lebron would alternate between long, slow claps and vigorous clapping.”

“It was pretty obvious he was still steamed by their lack of support during the Orlando series.”