Excerpted from the Dallas Wildcatter:

George W. Bush Presidential Library librarian Mona Wormwicker expressed surprise that she hadn’t met the former president yet.

“It’s not a huge deal, I guess, but I really thought I’d have seen him by now.  We’ve had probably a hundred meetings dealing with the architectural plans and he and Laura’s ‘vision’ for the edifice, but W hasn’t dropped in once.”

“I was in from the ground floor for George H.W. Bush’s library in Houston and he was all over the place there … bringing us coffee and sandwiches, measuring girders, hand delivering old volumes of congressional drafts and executive orders from the 19th century…”

“I guess the apple fell pretty far from the tree with this one…”

Excerpted from the Los Angeles Informer:

California state comptroller, Miles Duggerskull, broke the news that the Springfield Bear Patrol had been the latest casualty of the state budget crisis.

“It’s with a heavy heart that I announce the ending of this program,” Duggerskull said, “I wish there were some way to keep it running, but our budgetary crisis is too large and the statewide bear attack numbers are too few.”

Yreka resident Max Pantaloons could barely maintain his outrage.

“I can barely contain my outrage,” Pantaloons said dryly, “It’s just another example of those fat, city cats up at the capital not understanding what us rural folk have to go through.”

“Sure, the program didn’t affect me up here in Yreka and, sure, there hasn’t been a fatal bear attack in Springfield in over a decade, but it’s the principle, damnit.  It’s the principle.”