Excerpted from the Berlin Picayune:

One of German Chancellor Merkel’s closest advisers, speaking on the condition of anonymity, confirmed the lack of contact between President Obama’s hands and Merkel’s shoulders.

“It just hasn’t transpired,” the aid lamented, adding, “Obama’s just so into protocol and decorum.”

“Bush on the other hand.  Man, that guy was great.  So spontaneous and off-the-cuff.  You never knew who he was going maul or give a condescending nickname to. ”

“I, we, as I think I can speak for the European community at large, really miss that guy.”

Excerpted from the Crawford Citizen Times:

One Dallas party-goer, that wished to remain anonymous, acted surprised.

“To be honest, it was a little strange to see the former President just walk in the front door with a sixer of near-beer.  I know he lives just a block or two down the street, but it just seems like he would still have more important things to do than drop in on random parties and tell off-color jokes.”

“I don’t know, maybe continue his fight against the global AIDS pandemic or something.”