Excerpted from the Los Angeles Informer:

Local widower and San Clemente resident Frederick Crummles thinks the eHarmony matchmaking computer is just messing with him.

“It’s clearly messing with me,” Crummles snorted, “There’s no other way to describe it.  I’m a well educated equestrian who enjoys opera, boardgames and baseball statistics.  My last two matches were a hairdresser who ran an American Idol fan club and a techno/industrial music DJ who partially owned a glue factory.”

“It’s hard enough to try and move on from the passing of my dear wife, but to be blatantly jerked around by some impertinent software algorithm is just too much.

“29 dimensions of compatibility, my ass.”