Excerpted from the Indianapolis Herald Tribune:

The Indianapolis offensive line has had enough of quarterback Peyton Manning’s shouting and pointing at the line of scrimmage.

Ryan Diem, offensive tackle for the Colts, had this to say:

“If he would just call an audible, that would be fine.  But instead he’s just pointing out the obvious.”

“It’s, like, really, Peyton? You don’t think that we see that hulking linebacker behind the defensive tackle?”

“Really? You think we’re just going to let him waltz on through?”

“Really?”

“But, of course you can’t say anything or he’ll look hurt and give you the Peyton manning face.”

Excerpted from the Phoenix Oracle:

An unnamed source close to Kurt Warner said that the Cardinal star quarterback was planning an “epic” thank you to his Lord and Savior had Phoenix pulled off the upset.  The source elaborated:

“I was pulling for him, obviously, because I’m his friend, but I’m also really bummed that he wasn’t able to recite his epic tribute to the Lord.  That would have been five minutes of passionate Christian testimonial and, equally as compelling, five minutes of the secular, sideline reporter looking dumbfounded.”

“Shoot.”

Excerpted from the Phoenix Oracle:

A surprising winner was announced for the Associated Press’ 2008 NFL Comeback Player of the Year award.  The landslide winner was Brenda Warner’s hair.  Said one voter, who wished to remain anonymous:

“Sure, her husband and Chad Pennington had good years, but I just felt there wasn’t a more pleasant surprise than the haircut she’s been sporting recently.  That was the only thing people were talking about the week leading into the Super Bowl.  All you’d hear were superlatives like ‘fetching’ and ‘enchanting’ when people were speaking about her new look.  So, to me it was a no brainer.”

Excerpted from the Canton Intelligencer:

A Pro Football HoF voter, who wished to remain anonymous, cited Woodson’s NES Tecmo Super Bowl performances against the old AFC Central as a determining factor in his mind.

Said the voter:

“I mean, sure, he would eat up Houston and Cincinnati, but, geez, that guy just gutted the Browns.  You’d think you’d have the deep ball and then out of no where there’d be Woodson for the INT.  I, mean, he’d be at the line of scrimmage for Christ’s sake.  I’ve never seen such closing speed.”

“And don’t even think about throwing a slant to his side if the Steelers guessed your play.  That’d be a sure pick.”