Excerpted from the Phoenix Oracle:

An unnamed source close to Kurt Warner said that the Cardinal star quarterback was planning an “epic” thank you to his Lord and Savior had Phoenix pulled off the upset.  The source elaborated:

“I was pulling for him, obviously, because I’m his friend, but I’m also really bummed that he wasn’t able to recite his epic tribute to the Lord.  That would have been five minutes of passionate Christian testimonial and, equally as compelling, five minutes of the secular, sideline reporter looking dumbfounded.”

“Shoot.”

Excerpted from the Phoenix Oracle:

A surprising winner was announced for the Associated Press’ 2008 NFL Comeback Player of the Year award.  The landslide winner was Brenda Warner’s hair.  Said one voter, who wished to remain anonymous:

“Sure, her husband and Chad Pennington had good years, but I just felt there wasn’t a more pleasant surprise than the haircut she’s been sporting recently.  That was the only thing people were talking about the week leading into the Super Bowl.  All you’d hear were superlatives like ‘fetching’ and ‘enchanting’ when people were speaking about her new look.  So, to me it was a no brainer.”